Jeffery, (not his real name) came to me for help when he was in the midst of extreme emotional angst and marital discord. This was Jeffery’s second marriage. Jeffery and his current wife had been separated multiple times. He endured roller coaster emotions as his current wife continued to want to leave him. Jeffery’s first marriage was with a woman who suffered from alcoholism.
In just a few sessions, Jeffery learned the connection between his pattern with emotionally unavailable women and his emotionally unavailable parents. His Dad had left when Jeffery was a small child, and his Mother suffered from the emotional mood swings of bi-polar disorder.
As a child, Jeffery felt alone. Jeffery became terrified of abandonment. As he grew into adulthood, Jeffery developed many skills to keep himself from being abandoned. His fear, however, was always there, and he continued to unconsciously select emotionally unavailable, abandoning partners.
I saw him once in a full blown panic attack at the thought of his second wife not wanting him anymore.These panic attacks had become commonplace for Jeffery. Jeffery connected with the small, frightened child in his heart, re-parented him to bring the child love, security and safety. The panic attacks stopped. Jeffery accepted his wife’s unavailability, accepted the divorce and went on to rebuild his life. Jeffery is now in a loving supportive relationship. He accomplished this in just 7 months! Jeffery had made his heart whole.
