A frustrated man who wanted to move past being attracted to unavailable women sought my help. He is a man in his thirties who had been unsuccessful his entire life at establishing a long term relationship with a woman. He suffered horribly from rejection. The reader will see that the session gave him a future vision of a wonderful relationship, as well as resolving the unconscious issue that prevented him from having a fulfilling relationship, the issue of having become his mother’s surrogate spouse. His resolution involved him recognizing that the unavailability actually was within him. This is so often the case with clients who are frustrated with giving their affections to unavailable partners. Their tendency is to continue to look at what is wrong with the string of partners with whom they have had failed relationships. The answers and resolutions are always within.

The following is a transcription of the session. In order to protect the identity of my client, I have used the name “Bob” which is not his real name.

Joy: You’re going to just close your eyes now and enjoy taking some nice deep breaths….just enjoying the feeling of your chest rising and falling as you breathe.

What a wonderful place you find yourself in your life right now. A time of learning and exploration…..a time of self love. And you’re learning to use that part of your mind we call the Unconscious. And in using your Unconscious, you’re using your Subconscious memory system as well as you Superconscious Intelligence.

Now Bob, you know what the next step is and the unfolding of your process, that journey up the mountain, going to that light. And the closer that you come to that light at the top of that mountain, the more the light is shining on you. Every step that you take gets you closer and closer and closer. So I want you to take a look around you at what you’ve accomplished so far. Look at where you are on your journey. This is a time for gratitude, feeling grateful for yourself, for what you’ve accomplished.
And I want you to notice where your feet are taking you now. Where is your heart calling you? Maybe it is to take a little left hand turn or a right hand turn. Maybe it’s to walk by a tree. Is there a spring or a brook bubbling there on the side of the mountain?

Maybe this is a time for you to check with all the parts of your inner self and say are you ready to go into the light. Are you ready to reach the summit?

Maybe you need to look behind you to see where you’ve been, see the chaos that’s down at the foot of the mountain…..all the relationships through all the eons of time with people who were unable to love. And all the messages that you took on from those experiences that you internalized and made it about you, such as rejection.

Check your body and see what is still stored there….maybe around your heart or within your heart that would disallow that loving, intimate relationship that you long for.

I’m reminded of a story I’d like to share with you of a client who married four alcoholic husbands. The first three were actively drinking when she married them. The fourth was not drinking, so she thought she was out of the woods. Six months into the marriage the man had a crisis, and he began to drink. So she married the same personality type even though he was not drinking at the time. After that she sought help and we asked her Subconscious why this showed up in her world. What came out of her Subconscious was that at age six she had made a decision that if she could make her mother happy, her mother would not drink. And if mother was not drinking she would be there to give her love. And so that set about her pattern of love that repeated time and time again even though consciously she wanted something different from that.

So I’m curious about your pattern of rejection and whether or not your heart has been retrieved fully from all the times and ways it’s learned to cope with that. Whether the rejection is still there as an active program or whether indeed it’s gone.

So I’d like you for you to imagine that out of that light at the top of the summit is coming a beautiful woman toward you, your perfect mate. And as she comes closer and closer you notice what she’s like. And I want you to notice how you feel, how you respond.

Bob: There you are. I’ve been waiting for you.

Joy: And what does she say?

Bob: I’ve been here all along.

Joy: Okay. Spend some time with her. When you hear my voice again you will go deeper.
Let her take your hand and begin to walk up the mountain together.
What do you notice Bob?

Bob: We’re just walking hand in hand. I feel peace, comfort I’ve never known. I feel warm and I feel loved and I feel cherished and I feel at peace. I’d go anywhere with her right now.

Joy: Okay, great. I want you to stop for a moment and one of your guides appears, gives you insight. What is shared with you?

Bob: It says be patient, kind and loving. Don’t smother her. Much like a bird it gets trapped in a cage. Let her be who she needs to be and you be who you need to be. Understand that she loves you for you and that’s all she needs to hear.

Joy: And do you understand these words?

Bob: Yes.

Joy: I need you to check and see if there’s any part of you that would have trouble doing that.

Bob: The only thing I could see that may hinder that would be that I want to be with her, cherish her, want to help her and do things that she needs to be independent and do herself. I see losing myself in her.

Joy: What decision is in your Subconscious that would take you down that trail?

Bob: Wanting to please her first and not wanting to please myself.

Joy: So there’s a decision to please others instead of yourself?

Bob: First, yes.

Joy: Ask your guide to show you in the book of your lives, the chapter that explains where that decision occurred.

Bob: It’s rattling on about how I always tried to be there for my mom and I always tried to provide my mom with things my dad wasn’t giving her in terms of love, in terms of just caring and kindness and things she wasn’t getting from him. So I was basically always trying to make her happy and make up for whatever lack of giving that he had in terms of emotional intimacy.

Joy: And what did that do for you in terms of what you received?

Bob: Basically, I became her favorite son.

Joy: What did you receive emotionally?

Bob: Just love and warmth and protection.
(The reader may note here that this is another example of rescue.)

Joy: Did that become your blueprint for what a relationship with a woman was supposed to be?

Bob: Yes.

Joy: What’s wrong with that picture, Bob?

Bob: I can’t always be there for her. I abuse myself, I don’t fulfill what I need to do, I don’t fulfill my dreams. I’m never fulfilled. I’m incomplete and it never ends. It protects her from making her own choices and her own freedoms. It shields her from dealing with her issues in her marriage.
(The rescuer winds up being a victim, in that he doesn’t get his needs met as an adult by having a fulfilling relationship.)

Joy: Gets her off the hook, doesn’t it?

Bob: Yes it does.

Joy: What is a little child suppose to do?

Bob: Just be a kid, have fun. Explore things, go outside, look at the sky, and play with your crayons.

Joy: He’s not supposed to be fixing someone else, is he?

Bob: No.

Joy: So that left him without something that was basic that he needed. What was that something?

Bob: Curiosity, freedom, independence, lack of fear, courage.
(The reader will note here that the child’s needs are not truly being met during a relationship with the surrogate spouse dynamics.)

Joy: And what took place that affected his ability to bond with a female as he grew older? What happened during this scenario with mom of rescuing her from her lack of fulfillment in her marriage? How did that play out in later years in your life, in terms of the kinds of relationships that you attracted?

Bob: I was always afraid of having a true relationship.

Joy: Afraid?

Bob: Yeah. Because it would mean leaving her and leaving her unprotected.

Joy: Wow. And if you left her unprotected, what does the child think would happen?

Bob: She would die. She would get hurt.

Joy: That’s a pretty big payoff for staying around isn’t it?

Bob: Yeah.

Joy: What do you want to tell that little guy inside of you?

Bob: It’s not your job, you just need to be a kid, have fun. That’s not your goal, that’s not your job, that’s not your responsibility.

Joy: What does he say?

Bob: He’s say okay. I’ve seen you before, I trust you.

Joy: Very good. So is there a cord hooking him to his mother?

Bob: Yes.

Joy: What color is the cord?

Bob: Blue.

Joy: Is it a muddy blue or a bright blue?

Bob: It’s kind of like a baby blue.

Joy: Okay. What’s the emotional energy in that cord?

Bob: Sadness and depression.

Joy: Okay. So to fulfill his mission with his mother he has to do a lot of self sacrifice, doesn’t he?

Bob: Yeah.

Joy: And no matter how much he does it is like putting water into a bucket that has a hole in it, right?

Bob: Right.

Joy: Alright. Is he willing for you to laser this cord?

Bob: Yes.

Joy: Okay. Now tell mother, “I see you as strong and in charge of your life.”

Bob: Okay.

Joy: Can you do it out loud?

Bob: Mom, I see you as strong. You need to be in charge of your life now.

Joy: I’m not willing to take responsibility for your life anymore.

Bob: I am not willing to take responsibility for your life anymore.

Joy: I am moving on.

Bob: Mom, I need to move on.

Joy: No, I am moving on.

Bob: I am moving on.

Joy: To have a relationship with a woman,

Bob: To have a relationship with a woman,

Joy: that’s equal-equal.

Bob: that’s equal-equal.

Joy: I’m on my journey and she’s on hers.

Bob: I’m on my journey and she’s on hers.

Joy: I take care of me and she takes care of her,

Bob: I take care of me and she takes care of her,

Joy: and we share our journey,

Bob: and we share our journey,

Joy: and she knows she’s responsible for her own journey,

Bob: and she knows she’s responsible for her own journey,

Joy: and I know I’m responsible for mine.

Bob: and I know I’m responsible for mine.

Joy: What does mother say?

Bob: She said, “I understand. I never meant to hold you back. I love you.”

Joy: Okay, is there a cord hooking you to mother that you need to dissolve?

Bob: It’s slowly dissolving right now.

Joy: Good. Let me know when it’s done.

Bob: Okay.

Joy: Okay, great. Does the Inner Child want to say anything to Mom?

Bob: Mom, I’ll always love you but I’ve got to go.

Joy: I’ve been loving you but not in a healthy way.

Bob: I’ve been loving you but not in a healthy way.

Joy: So I’m changing that now.

Bob: So I’m changing that now.

Joy: So you can get free and I can too.

Bob: So you can get free and I can too.

Joy: What’s your next step you need to do now?

Bob: Grab the hand of my Inner Guide.

Joy: Great.

Bob: He’s taking me with him up the mountain. He’s comforting me, saying everything is going to be okay.

Joy: Ask him for a new phrase to replace the old thought.

Bob: Bob, love yourself and you will always be able to give love. Love means having respect for others but most importantly, having respect for yourself.

Joy: Let that wisdom incorporate into your body, into every cell of your body, into your emotional body. Let that wisdom flow out into what we call the pain body, the memory of all the pains of the past that have to do with all of your rescuing relationships and how that left you wanting that intimacy that you wanted for yourself. Now all the residue of you taking responsibility for your mother’s unhappiness and all the pain that you felt watching her suffer, ask your higher intelligence to totally and completely reprogram that, all the way to the cellular level. Because we know the truth about you is that you are love itself, as is each of us. And when we have that recognition and realization we know that you attract to you that divine, beautiful mate that is intended for you to spend the rest of your life with. Trusting her strength, and knowing the greatest gift you can give her is that of knowing that she can handle her own journey and that your love for her is simply an augment.

We ask that the cords to all others that you’ve had rescue dynamics in your relationships with them, for those cords to be dissolved now, throughout all space and time, this lifetime and all lifetimes.

We ask St. Germaine and the violet flame to come in and create a vortex to take every cell of you, of your body, every thought, every awareness, every emotion to that level of unconditional of love that allows all others to be in their place, on their journey. And you go forth this day to revel in your own journey and all the magic and the miracles as they unfold, as your heart is an irresistible magnet to your good, drawing loving relationships to you including that special mate.

And as soon as your Unconscious has thoroughly processed through this information, your eyes are going to open. And when your eyes open you’re going to feel as though you’d slept peacefully for hours and hours, feeling as though you’d slept a deep, healing, refreshing sleep. Your mind will be awake and alert. You’ll feel happy, filled with trust and light of heart.

Bob: Good stuff!

Joy: Huge. When you’re the surrogate spouse, it’s hard to leave mom. You feel like you’re being unfaithful; you’re abandoning mom. The need to take care of that was greater than your need to have your own intimacy. That’s why you’ve been in this pattern. Good work. How do you feel?

Bob: Good. Just thinking.

Joy: Just kind of sinking in.

Bob: I’m a processor, it takes me while.

Joy: Thank you for sharing that.

Bob: I think my inner child was sharing.

Joy: Yes. And did you notice how you had all your parts of yourself lined up there. You had your guide which is your Inner Wise Self, you had your Adult Self and you had your Inner Child.

Bob: Good stuff!